Rolen hit a home run and, as is his custom, circled the bases like a man trying to catch a departing bus. He typically makes the circuit in 18 seconds. David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez have been known to take 25.

I also do not object to the obliquely pervy premise of the article.

Thing that annoys me otd

This vogue of reviewers calling books "intelligent". You're basically congratulating yourself at least as much as you're praising - in fact you're doing so in some sense at the *expense* of - the book/author. I mean, wouldn't you have to be MORE intelligent than the book/author to make such an assessment? It's like the illusorily generous and humble declaration that all religious faith systems are equally valid, which can be made only by one who has put oneself in a position of über-knowledge that is superior to all faith systems (and is untenable on its face and inherently contradictory to boot, because more than one faith system - including the one expressed by this very declaration - categorically invalidates at least some [if not all] others).

yet another sparkling gawker phrase: "Katie Holmes and her dashing space bride Tom Cruise"

whatever ... Brad Pitt wishes he were Billy Beane. Believe it ... besides the smarts... I've been around him a few times and dude is srsly hot. He's a great-looking, intensely magnetic mashup of Seth McFarlane and Bruce Greenwood. I have weird taste - this has been long established.

I am increasingly disturbed by the growing percentage of celebrity/pop/even straight-up NEWS coverage that focuses on people who have nothing to recommend themselves besides having somehow conned their way onto a "reality" show (and, on very rare occasion, being reasonably attractive). It's one thing to care about Angelina Jolie, or Michael Phelps, because their fame and newsworthiness is at least partly due to an ACTUAL EFFING SKILL. On principle, I studiously refuse to intake any information whatsoever about any realitwerp.

I tell ya what, this Manohla Dargis is really growing on me. She's great with the insults, direct and indirect. You can feel the italics and irony-quotes she doesn't use. The first movie was just...despicable.

speaking of babies...

Jezebel posted this. errrr arguably nsfw? their captions on #14 and #16 made me CRY

these people are sorely testing my anti-death penalty stance.

you're tellin me

and "Blissfully Oblivious Gazelle" one of the better nicknames I've ever heard.

Manohla Dargis rocks so hard it hurts. This review is jampacked with quotables. I share her outrage.

I effing love Jezebel: "Thomas Kincade['s...] saccharine oeuvre has appalled aesthetes at malls across the country..."

uncharacteristically witty comment thread developing here.

If EW is to be believed, my deep abiding hatred of and 100% lack of attraction to Ryan Reynolds should make me question my heretofore unwavering* sexual orientation.

Also, A-Rod is the worst baseball player of all time because of the walk he drew last night. BASECLOGGER! ETC! oh, Lord, it's just too tiring - forget it

*except when it comes to Agyness Deyn, to whom I am inexplicably drawn.**

**YES it's been hypothesized to my face that it's because I like very pretty boys and that is essentially what she is

WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED THAT WILL ARNETT DOES A VOICE IN MONSTERS VS. ALIENS??

phrase otd: "tattooed reptile"

wow- imagine if all government functionaries spoke this plainly